Sometimes perfectionism is presented as striving to be your best self or doing your best work. Saying you are a perfectionist can even seem like a gentle brag. But I really believe this view of perfectionism can be harmful. If we think of perfectionism as something that motivates us to do well we will never examine how it is harmful.
So what exactly is perfectionism?
According to Brene Brown in her book The Gift of Imperfection, "Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame. It's a shield." Perfectionism is about earning approval and acceptance. "Somewhere along the way, we adapt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how I accomplish it." So perfectionism is about appearing perfect so we are approved of by others and so we avoid shame. It just doesn't work. We cannot avoid the judgment of others.
Furthermore, I find perfectionism very dangerous for creativity. Creativity thrives with new ideas, experimentations and learning through mistakes. Those three things do not meld well with perfectionism. If we are trying to avoid mistakes than we will be scared to make mistakes or experiment. Instead we end up rehashing the same ideas over and over. Perfectionism does not help us strive to do our best work. It actually gets in our way.
Perfectionism is not an easy thing to shed. One thing I do when working with clients is to help them figure out where perfectionism is holding them back and working through letting it go or at least managing it. It really comes down to working through our shame and fears. Since shame thrives in secret, working with someone directly can be immensely helpful.
So what exactly is perfectionism?
According to Brene Brown in her book The Gift of Imperfection, "Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement and shame. It's a shield." Perfectionism is about earning approval and acceptance. "Somewhere along the way, we adapt this dangerous and debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how I accomplish it." So perfectionism is about appearing perfect so we are approved of by others and so we avoid shame. It just doesn't work. We cannot avoid the judgment of others.
Furthermore, I find perfectionism very dangerous for creativity. Creativity thrives with new ideas, experimentations and learning through mistakes. Those three things do not meld well with perfectionism. If we are trying to avoid mistakes than we will be scared to make mistakes or experiment. Instead we end up rehashing the same ideas over and over. Perfectionism does not help us strive to do our best work. It actually gets in our way.
Perfectionism is not an easy thing to shed. One thing I do when working with clients is to help them figure out where perfectionism is holding them back and working through letting it go or at least managing it. It really comes down to working through our shame and fears. Since shame thrives in secret, working with someone directly can be immensely helpful.
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